Tag Archives: fat

All Coppers Are Fat and Stupid Say Government

Shares in Greggs Bakery nose-dived this week as the Government announced new fitness tests for the police after claiming they are too fat.  Under new proposals coppers will undergo annual fitness tests and face being sacked if they can’t shed their porky bellies.

The Government has also raised concerns that the police are too stupid, something they plan to address by allowing Oxbridge toffs to be fast tracked into senior police roles.

This in particular will prove hugely unpopular with the rank and file as chinless knob-ends are fast tracked into inner-city areas to throw their considerable weight around.  This is yet another power grab by the rich, who think that some public school twat fresh out of Cambridge will have a better understanding of the streets of Hackney than a long serving local officer.

It’s no surprise that some in the ruling class would like to be coppers.  There’s not many jobs left where you can get paid for shooting Africans anymore after all.  But they don’t want to be the kind of coppers you used to see on The Bill, or even on the streets.  They see themselves as Inspector Morse types, solving mid-summer murders before sending the lower orders out to tear gas teenagers.  Perish the thought they might actually have to do some real work to find themselves in a position of power.  Just like the Sandringham officer class, they’d far rather be parachuted in to order the proles about from the safety of some office somewhere.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day so the fact the Tories want to fuck the police shouldn’t be seen as a sign of anything other than the usual class snobbery.  Even Tories hate the police who might occasionally make a mistake and hand out a speeding ticket to someone with a double-barrelled surname.  That won’t stop the Police Federation taking these reforms lying down, ever ready to toady up to the rich as long as they still get to beat up protesters and take lucrative bribes from tabloid hacks.

Coppers will now also face redundancy after 30 years and pay for the new constables will be reduced. The rich appear to be feeling confidant enough even to attack their own protection.  This is an unprecedented attack on the working conditions of the police, but it’s no doubt the ban on doughnuts that will really rile the greedy fuckers.

The police have long allowed themselves to be used as a violent and vicious tool against working class people.  Whether at Wapping or the Miner’s Strike, they have been quite happy to truncheon and wound workers who are standing up for their rights.  Never once have they shown an ounce of solidarity towards anybody else, and have all too often relished their role in breaking strikes and suppressing dissent.

So they do not deserve a second thought from the rest of us should they choose to challenge these proposals.  They are the lowest form of vermin, organised scabs who will attack the vulnerable and children alike if they think it will keep their rich paymasters happy.

They aren’t known as the filth for nothing.  They represent a stain on working class life.  They have shown themselves ever ready to take a bung, kick someone down the stairs or fit someone up for being the wrong colour or failing to show the correct level of deference to their macho bullshit.  Fuck them, every last one of them.  If a single copper even exists who isn’t bent, violent, racist and misogynist then they are still quite happy to lie, cheat and cover up for their criminal colleagues.  Let them fight this Government alone, isolated and shunned by decent people everywhere. All coppers are bastards.

UPDATE:  and almost as if on cue.  Riots cops kettled the peaceful Save Our NHS Demo today and police armed with automatic weapons were in attendance.  Early reports are sketchy but it seems some people were arrested and several assaulted.

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