The privileged elite will be trembling beneath the dreaming spires of Cambridge tomorrow (Saturday 16th June) as a fearsome mob of working class heroes and animal rights activists descend on the town to avenge the mutilation of of a local swan.
The local swan, Mr Asbo, had his wings clipped and was removed from his natural habitat along with his partner, after members of the chinless rowing set complained about his presence on the river. Several toffs were attacked by the swan who objected to the landed gentry invading his rightful home. This led to a order being sought to remove both swans from the river during the Cambridge boating season and viciously clipping their wings so they could not return.
Appalled by the outrage, veteran Class War anarchist Ian Bone called a demonstration to defend the mighty beast. Hordes of the proletarian unwashed will descend on the city tomorrow during the Cambridge Bumps, a sickening display of elitism during which the effete upper classes race rowing boats up and down the River Cam.
The demonstration will begin at Senate House, Cambridge on June 16th from 11am. The march will target the “elitism of Cambridge University in all its many guises” and could see the Pimms drinking classes facing hecklers along the river bank. A fifth column of working class Cambridge students are set to burn their gowns in disgust at the vile activities of some of their fellow students on the river, which are believed to include the murder of innocent ducklings.
Despite the protest having been agreed with police, there have been several threats of violence made by the lily-livered Cambridge toffs hiding behind a cloak of anonymity on internet forums. Ian Bone’s blog is also believed to have been illegally hacked, whilst a series of slurs have appeared in the local University press. Despite these provocations the protest will continue as planned.
Take the Class War to the streets and rivers of Cambridge tomorrow. We are all Mr Asbo!