All Coppers Are Fat and Stupid Say Government

Shares in Greggs Bakery nose-dived this week as the Government announced new fitness tests for the police after claiming they are too fat.  Under new proposals coppers will undergo annual fitness tests and face being sacked if they can’t shed their porky bellies.

The Government has also raised concerns that the police are too stupid, something they plan to address by allowing Oxbridge toffs to be fast tracked into senior police roles.

This in particular will prove hugely unpopular with the rank and file as chinless knob-ends are fast tracked into inner-city areas to throw their considerable weight around.  This is yet another power grab by the rich, who think that some public school twat fresh out of Cambridge will have a better understanding of the streets of Hackney than a long serving local officer.

It’s no surprise that some in the ruling class would like to be coppers.  There’s not many jobs left where you can get paid for shooting Africans anymore after all.  But they don’t want to be the kind of coppers you used to see on The Bill, or even on the streets.  They see themselves as Inspector Morse types, solving mid-summer murders before sending the lower orders out to tear gas teenagers.  Perish the thought they might actually have to do some real work to find themselves in a position of power.  Just like the Sandringham officer class, they’d far rather be parachuted in to order the proles about from the safety of some office somewhere.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day so the fact the Tories want to fuck the police shouldn’t be seen as a sign of anything other than the usual class snobbery.  Even Tories hate the police who might occasionally make a mistake and hand out a speeding ticket to someone with a double-barrelled surname.  That won’t stop the Police Federation taking these reforms lying down, ever ready to toady up to the rich as long as they still get to beat up protesters and take lucrative bribes from tabloid hacks.

Coppers will now also face redundancy after 30 years and pay for the new constables will be reduced. The rich appear to be feeling confidant enough even to attack their own protection.  This is an unprecedented attack on the working conditions of the police, but it’s no doubt the ban on doughnuts that will really rile the greedy fuckers.

The police have long allowed themselves to be used as a violent and vicious tool against working class people.  Whether at Wapping or the Miner’s Strike, they have been quite happy to truncheon and wound workers who are standing up for their rights.  Never once have they shown an ounce of solidarity towards anybody else, and have all too often relished their role in breaking strikes and suppressing dissent.

So they do not deserve a second thought from the rest of us should they choose to challenge these proposals.  They are the lowest form of vermin, organised scabs who will attack the vulnerable and children alike if they think it will keep their rich paymasters happy.

They aren’t known as the filth for nothing.  They represent a stain on working class life.  They have shown themselves ever ready to take a bung, kick someone down the stairs or fit someone up for being the wrong colour or failing to show the correct level of deference to their macho bullshit.  Fuck them, every last one of them.  If a single copper even exists who isn’t bent, violent, racist and misogynist then they are still quite happy to lie, cheat and cover up for their criminal colleagues.  Let them fight this Government alone, isolated and shunned by decent people everywhere. All coppers are bastards.

UPDATE:  and almost as if on cue.  Riots cops kettled the peaceful Save Our NHS Demo today and police armed with automatic weapons were in attendance.  Early reports are sketchy but it seems some people were arrested and several assaulted.

17 responses to “All Coppers Are Fat and Stupid Say Government

  1. Arbeitsscheu_UK

    Overweight, overpaid and over-inflated egos

  2. ACAB 😀

  3. Destroy the police force and let the poor defend themselves?

  4. Gaddafi’s rule was decried by the western cartel and it’s propaganda machines for encouraging Libiyans to tell on Libiyans and do the secret police work for the authorities. In the U.K. we have crimestoppers, that financially rewards citizens to ‘grass’ on fellow citizens…some maybe are dangerous and a public liability..but I suspect most of those that are ‘dobbed in’ are quite harmless to society and in anycase most cases are the crime was not stopped mearly many other people get in trouble thru’ ‘diligent’ citizens doing their duty? Help reduce benefit costs, get a financial reward maybe!!!!!

  5. How long before the BBC have a programme called Benefitstoppers?

  6. Arbeitsscheu_UK

    The one on the bus can barely hold his gun due to the size of the gut on him…or is it a clarinet? Please don’t tell me they’ve hired bloody Acker Bilk now!

  7. Arbeitsscheu_UK

    Acker Ol’ Bilk

  8. The Police should be paid what they are worth – FUCK ALL!!

  9. You see…this is so the rich can have their own private police forces to protect their gated communities. There is ALREADY legislation in place to make it very easy for private police to operate. They will recruit from sacked coppers,disaffected coppers,returning squaddies,any psycho bastard who shows up.
    The aristo/toff/bankster class will need this protection ever more in the coming years,once the impoverished millions decide to actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ALL!!
    I direct you to this :

  10. And it is not just their fat salaries that the fat piggies feast on; there is also their “allowances” – free this that and the other, huge discounts in shops, free prescriptions/eye care for them and their families, free private health care, the fuckers even get their houses furnished and decorated twice a year, fuck they used to get their fucking mortgages paid – maybe they still do. It is high time the little piggies were taken to market.

  11. After the police go though, it’s G4S. Are we ready? Is that what we want?

    • Given that the Met is basically operating outside the law now and has been for the best part of three decades, I’m not wholly convinced there’s much difference to be noticed.

    • its only g4s, for those amongst us who will be able to afford it 😦

  12. Yo, can we do without fat-bashing? It’s still as much an asshole jibe when aimed at coppers as it is aimed at, I don’t know, Andrea Dworkin.

  13. If it wasn’t for the Scientific discoveries of Fingerprinting and DNA the Police would be utterly clueless. They only work now as a physical threat – and then only in numbers. If a situation occurs that they cannot handle – they walk away.

  14. Pingback: Osborne’s Pie Tax Is Yet Another Attack On The Poor | the void

  15. You all need to grow up! I think your hatred stems from a negative encounter with the Police as a result of your own stupidity. Many Police Officers are just ordinary people trying to earn a wage to feed their kids.

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