The UK has become infected by one of the most virulent forms of Swine Fever known to man.
Experts have warned people to panic after it was revealed that swine fever has mutated and is already widespread amongst the UK’s population.
Symptoms of this new virus are known to include violence, bigotry and an inability to tell the truth. A noticeable drop in IQ has also been reported, and sufferers are said to be unable to think for themselves anymore, simply relying on pack mentality and blind prejudice to make increasingly poor judgements.
Health Chiefs have warned that popular natural remedies, rumoured to provide some kind of protection, have no effect and in some cases may make the condition worse. This hasn’t stopped sales of donuts, believed by some to be a cure, rocketing since news of the new virus leaked out.
One expert told the void:
“All of the infected need to be put to sleep immediately, it may sound harsh, but it’s the only way to be sure.”
The Government is believed to be in negotiation with Harry Roberts and several former Black Panthers in order to mobilise this emergency action.
In the meantime the advice is to stay well away from the diseased and if necessary throw rocks at them.
