Just kidding …
The Daily (maybe) have just released their annual list of the top 20 green blogs and we come in this year at, an unlucky for some, 13th place. Beating reformist traitors like Jenny Jones of the Green Party we’re still languishing behind the likes of Peter Tatchell and other fake friends to socialists.
The good news is that that bastard Monbiot is clearly out of the race and several of the other blogs are well worth a read. Whether it’s the latest techniques in advanced yoghurt weaving or where to buy an ethically sourced RPG then the Green blogosphere is out in force to teach all you fine folks how you too can enjoy a capitalist, middle class lifestyle without feeling so damn guilty all the time.
It really is as simple as buying fair trade Lima Beans, wearing hemp underwear and occasionally paying someone to plant a tree for you.
If you read the Guardian you will have already realised that most poor people deserve it, what with all that having children and eating lard. And now some fucking peasants in a goddamned third world backwater want to spoil the party by thinking they have the right to burn our oil in whatever kind of godless contraption they see fit.
Don’t they realise how quaint they look hand-picking organic cotton to be flogged off on Stoke Newington High Street for the price of a Butlins Holiday? They’ll be wanting televisions next!
And as for the oiks currently invading the well kept streets of middle England, well if only they’d worked hard at school like us then they’d really have nothing to worry about and could get on with the terribly important task of saving the planet.
Which, as everyone knows, you do by buying things.
They’ll be wittering on about class struggle next or heaven of heavens going on strike. Well they just don’t know how hard it is to get the kids to the Philipino ethically-trafficked and 100% organic childminder whilst keeping up with the blackberry and calculating our carbon foorprints everytime we fart.
And that job in the city’s not going to do itself now is it.
So keep up the good work fellow eco-warriors, and remember if it wasn’t for easyjet we wouldn’t be in this mess and we could carry on our third world tourism without having to come across some grubby chav who frankly could do with a spell of National Service.
Anyway, must dash, there’s a flash mob at the local old folks home. Apparantly they’ve got the heating on … in the Summer! … selfish bastards.
void disclaimer: sorry, thanks jimjay, we love our greens
And if you like a little red and black to go with your greens then you can vote for the void as the people’s choice over on jimjays blog.