The UK government seems to be falling apart at the seams as it steers it’s rudderless ship towards self-destruction. With the Fuehrer sunning himself in Barbados it seems that deputy PM Prescott has vanished.
Completely absent during the liquid explosives saga (police claim to have unearthed several bottles of White Lightening Cider) poor old Prezza has been missing since last week.
His long suffering wife is said to be ‘relieved’ whilst his constituents are thankful to be able to see sunshine for the first time in years. A large mass found floating in the Atlantic has now been proved to be an iceberg, although rumours persist that Prescott is on the way to the States to have another go after starting a fight with Blair just before the end of term.
Gordon Brown has reportedly said ‘give the bastard one from me ya big lump.’
Bliar, hiding out in the mansion of notorious womaniser and satanist Cliff Richard has been keeping quiet whilst the world decends into chaos, sulking as he is because Bush wouldn’t let him go to Lebanon.
Whilst Blair lives it up in the sun gibbering John Reid has attempted to take control of the situation leaving Whitehall insiders concerned for his mental health. Reid’s carer spoke to the void:
“We think it might be Alzeimer’s, first he convinced himself that he was some big Glaswegian hardman, I mean the man’s 93, now he’s convinced he’s prime minister. We tried to play along with his tough guy fantasies, but .. well let’s just say you wouldn’t think he was so tough if it was you that had to change his nappy.”
More worrying Reid’s delusion is such that he is still maintaining that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have not increased the terrorist threat to the UK.
Meanwhile guido is reporting the existance of a video which shows a Labour minister smoking a spliff. Environment minister, hippy Ben Bradshaw seems to be in the frame according to comments left on guido’s blog although guido himself neglects to tell us exactly who the toker is claiming his source has backed out (or realised that it might make him a few bob if he sold his vid to the scum rather than give it away for free on someone’s blog).
Another possible culprit is of course John Reid himself, who always keeps a bit of hash tucked away at home for those ‘difficult’ days, whilst Prescott himself could also be in the frame after reports that he has been suffering from a 30 year attack of the munchies.
Some have also speculated that Blair’s trip to the Caribbean may have been a mission to pick something up for the folks in the cabinet as he’s the only one able to make it through customs these days without getting busted. This would also explain his desire to go to Lebanon and and the frequent trips to Afghanistan.
Senior tories Cameron and sick boy Osborne were asked to give a few lines on this latest scandal to hit the Labour front bench but Cameron just snorted whilst Osborne asked if we’d got any tinfoil.