Man Mugged For Half Eaten Sandwich!!!

In a shocking incident a helpless man was mugged in broad daylight for a half eaten sandwich during his lunch hour today.

The victim Billy Pickle, who did not wish to be named, was left severely traumatised and slightly peckish after assailants attacked him from behind and stole his sandwich in a cowardly attack. Pickle, aged 35 from 32 Watercress Road, Camden is believed to have bought the sandwich from exclusive restaurant chain Pret A Bourgeois and claimed he did not even see his assailants. No witnessess have so far come forward.

Police are looking for several young black men, but Met Chiefs, who have asked people to dob in their neighbours, have stressed that almost any ethnic minority would do.

Sandwich crime, also known as lunch-napping, is becoming more and more common across the capital. It has been revealed that sandwiches can fetch up to £200 in areas of Hackney and Lambeth, although they can often swapped directly for drugs. A leading drugs expert told us today:

“Many drug users exist on nothing more than crack, shop bought sandwiches and high strength lager. Even a half eaten sandwich would have a significant street value to these decadent bastards. It is believed an international sandwich smuggling racket has been operating in parts of South and East London for some time.”

Police have warned people to be vigilant at all times when eating lunch and to avoid eating in public at night or in areas free from CCTV.

The Home Office has ordered a clamp down on lunch related crime, with a senior source telling us “this just shows how far some people will go to get a free lunch”.

(this article first appeared in the Evening sub-Standard)


3 responses to “Man Mugged For Half Eaten Sandwich!!!

  1. Easy for you to make light of sandwich-mugging. This sort of thing could spread.

  2. people wouldn’t need sandwiches so much if prescott hadn’t eaten all the pies!

  3. We’ll just have to eat Prescott then (not in the sexual sense though).

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