Monthly Archives: December 2005

Cops Bottle it in Parliament Square Showdown

a braying mob descends on parliament

Police last night refused to arrest a tooled up mob of over one hundred people who descended on Parliament Square intent on breaking Section 132 of the Serious and Organised Crimes and Police Act 2005.

Known terrorist Brian Hawe was allowed to speak, possibly through a megaphone whilst all around him jeering protesters sang carols including Jingle Bells and Silent Night.

One terrified bystander commented “I just can’t believe it, it’s obvious these thugs are breaking the law, but the police seem to be letting them get away with it”

Meanwhile one of those demonstrating was also disappointed but for a much more sinister reason “I came down expecting a bit of a ruck like, but the Met just can’t seem to hack it these days – I’m well pissed off”

Met insiders say they were not scared at all, they were simply overstretched on one of the busiest nights of the year. Reports that a powerful, but shadowy “Christian Alliance” inside parliament had ordered them to allow the protest to go ahead were furiously denied.

Meanwhile protesters say they will be back in the New Year, that’s if the cops can be bothered to turn up this time that is.

he chickened out, he ran away, he lived to fight another day
pics from here and here



World Exclusive .. The void Interviews Stalin

After being exclusively contacted by the Psychical Research In Channeling Knowledge Society (PRICKS) the void can exclusively reveal the first interview with Josef Stalin since his death … read on to see into the mind of one of the world’s worst ever dictators…

Interview with Stalin

The Void: Good evening

Stalin: Is it?

The Void: You seem troubled, can we help?

Stalin: I am very depressed, things in the world, they are troubling me so much

The Void: I’m sorry to hear that, could you explain

Stalin: I feel that my achievements are being overlooked da. I hear that bastard Hitler’s name all the time, but me the greatest mass murderer of all time, I barely merit a history lesson these days, I mean for a start, I was the greatest dictator of them all, not that little runt, he didn’t even have a decent moustache, and his breath stank

The Void: Well it’s true you were responsible for many deaths

Stalin: Millions, of course, but my cause was just, not some esoteric mumbo jumbo like him, coming on like a bad David Icke, I mean please, have you read any of that crap, ascended masters, philosophers stones, the guy was a fruitcake da?

The Void: I see, and what was your cause?

Stalin: All that nonsense about purity, only the state needs to be pure, the masses, they are just numbers, but a beautiful golden state, purity of government leads to purity of people

The Void: So all those people who died during the famines and the purges, that was to purify the state

Stalin: Exactly, I knew you’d understand, because the state is the people, and if a few who are weak, or off message fall by the wayside, then that’s all part of the plan da!, surely you in Blair’s Britain must understand that by now

The Void: Would that be the five year plan?

Stalin: Of course, although it could be a ten year plan, or fifteen, but multiples of five only, that’s very important

The Void: I see, but are you sure you’re not just bitter about Hitler invading Russia

Stalin: We kicked that little shit out of Russia for good and he knows it

The Void: But many Russian soldiers died

Stalin: Pah! Mere statistics, his precious army were defeated because they got cold, can you imagine, the master race, beaten by a bit of bad weather – a spell in the Gulag would have toughened them up da?

The Void: It’s true he never reached Moscow

Stalin: Of course, and you know damn well who won the war, not you damn limeys, or those capitalist pigs across the ocean, but still you pretend in your stupid films that your pissing about in France had anything to do with it, and it’s not like they ever thanked you da .. but never forget, we held Berlin for almost 50 years,

The Void: But no longer, how do you feel about that?

Stalin: Those East Germans were always complaining about some damn thing, not enough bread, no cigarettes, we always made sure they had vodka but they were never happy, in fact it all just seemed to make them angrier. Let them live out their vicarious existence and die of heart attacks like big fat pigs when they are fifty, it’s all they ever deserved, we tried to help them

The Void: So the collapse of the Soviet Union didn’t bother you?

Stalin: Of course it did, that stupid little bald man, with the god knows what on his head, he has a lot to answer for, the freak

The Void: You mean Mikhail Gorbachav?

Stalin: Yes, that was his name, you know he works for the Americans now, some say he always did da..

The Void: But surely the end of the cold war made the world a safer place

Stalin: Who’s safe while the tentacles of capitalism tie the world in knots, but have no fear Russia will be back

The Void: So do you think Russia’s problems are coming to an end

Stalin: Of course, our time is coming, the great mother nation will rise again, and one day I will be revered as a great leader and you in the west will weep at our glory. And we will rekindle our alliance with China as well you know, I have some good friends over there these days, and they tell me that they could buy and sell those Yankees three times over these days ha ha..

The Void: Well you and Mao did go back a bit

Stalin: Ahh Mao Tse, what a guy, always such an individual you know, I miss them all

The Void: So what do you make of the current political situation?

Stalin: Well the war on terror is a myth of course, one day we will give you a real war and your swine blood will run down the streets like rivers. And we still haven’t forgotten Afghanistan either, perhaps we shall start our great new offensive there da?

The Void: So you still don’t support Bin Laden then?

Stalin: Well, he makes me laugh, he’s a real showman you know, always game for a laugh, but the mujahadeen will remain our enemies, just like they remain yours now ha ha, you really, how you say … oh yes .. fucked that up da … ha ha

The Void: And Bush?

Stalin: He is a fool, like all the rest Reagan, Blair, Clinton, capitalist dogs, who will be hunted down … but that George Galloway, now I can see he’s a man of vision, I should like to meet with him and discuss strategies, he even looks a bit like me don’t you think

The Void: That’s interesting, I’m not sure he’d meet you

Stalin: I like a man who knows how to earn a living da! There’s no money in politics these days, so many busybodies, but he found a way eh.. ha ha. British politics is at an interesting time, but the Respect party, I think I could find myself at home there, maybe lead them to victory, although they need a plan

The Void: A five year plan?

Stalin: Of course, what else

The Void: Finally do you ever see any of your fellow revolutionaries?

Stalin: I try and avoid them, Trotsky, well he’s just so bitter and always drunk and as for Lenin, I heard he was farming goats in Kazhakstan, no way for a revolutionary to live. And Karl, I’ve bumped into him a few times, but the problem with Marx was that he never really understood my ideas, he always misinterpreted things. The poor man never had to lead you see, just like all those bothersome anarchists in the international, well I say to them you try running a country the size of Russia

The Void: Well I think they were coming from a different place weren’t they?

Stalin: Weren’t we all back then ha ha.. but people change, I bear no grudges

The Void: And do you have any regrets?

Stalin: I’ve had a few, but there’s one thing I know for certain

The Void: Yes

Stalin: I did it myyyyyyy waaaaaaaaay

Access All Areas Set To Move

Spiritual home of London’s underground party scene Access All Areas is due to move in the new year. Underground techno music shop Trakheadz, presided over by acid techno maestro DJ Zebedee will join them in the move. No new venue can be confirmed at present (but watch this space!), however they are having a sale of over 40% off various head shop tat, pipes, books, bongs, scales, clothes including LSD clothing (you public nuisances you). Sale ends xmas eve, so go and show a bit of support just like they’ve shown us over the years and get yer mum that bong for christmas you just know she needs.

New Bolivarian Government to Legalise Coke!

Evo Morales – not to be sniffed at

Evo Morales, of the Movement towards Socialism (MAS), won more than 50 per cent of the vote in Sunday’s election, ending five centuries of white rule, and providing Bolivia with the country’s first indigenous haed of state.

Former Coca farmer Señor Morales used to lead the coca-growers’ union and has been involved in uprisings against the American led crop eradication schemes. He has promised to legalise the cultivation of coca, sure to horrify US and DEA officials, probably worried about the competition. Bolivia is the world’s third largest producer of cocaine.

In another move set to wind up the US he has promised to ally Bolivia with other leftist leaders in the region such as Presidents Chávez of Venezuela and Castro of Cuba.

Tony Blair was unavailable for comment when we tried to reach him however rumours are abounding that David Cameron is to plan an immediate fact finding mission to Bolivia with the aim of inviting Morales into his Big Tent

Meanwhile Chavez, in a humanitarian move of unprecedented sarcasm has begun supplying cheap oil to North America’s poor. Citgo Petroleum Corporation, a company controlled by the Venezuelan Government, will supply more than 45 million litres of oil at 40 per cent below market prices to poor residents in Boston and New York.

Whilst this has angered many on the political right, with the Wall Street Journal accusing Chavez of being a tyrant for this apparantly benevolent act others have been more realistic such as the Boston Globe who commented in their editorial “Venezuela’s president Hugo Chavez is a controversial political leader, but it’s difficult to fault his decision to provide low-cost heating oil to 45,000 needy families in Massachusetts.”

Hands off Venezuela
Bolivia Solidarity Campaign

Over One Thousand Arrests at Hong Kong Anti-WTO Protests

Police in Hong Kong arrested over 1,000 people in the last three days of the anti-WTO protests currently being held in Hong Kong.

Many activists spoke of excessive police brutality, with cops using water cannons and pepper spary to disperse peaceful protests. At least one hundred people have been reported injured.

Hundreds of people are still detained as of Monday evening, see here for details of how to help.

The Asian Human Rights Commission (AHRC) have been closely watching the protests and several staff members claim to have witnessed various incidents of excessive police violence, particularly on December 17. They have relased a statement here.

Uk indymedia report

Leaked Christmas Memo from News International

Greetings Fellow Employees

I have decided to take the step of writing to all of you this Christmas to offer my heartfelt thanks for all your hard work over the past year.

My work is nearing completion, and throughout it all it has been you, the undervalued underlings of the mighty News International who have enabled these great changes to come about in the world.

You who have lied to so many, cheated the world, and most importantly protected the powerful, we owe you a great debt, as your children shall owe you.

When you turn on the news this Christmas, whether it be war or famine remember, just remember how we helped make it happen. When you see those dismembered bodies or starving children, look past the ripple of excitement that I know I always feel, and realise that you are part of a greater whole.

It may just be a headline here, a white lie there, but that could set a chain in motion that could take out a whole community. You see it’s so much more than just blood money we offer you, we offer a chance to make a difference.

Sure, people like me, my republican friends, chief executives – we get all the credit.

But without you, the hard working footsoldiers, knocking out copy day after day, without such a thought for yourselves, or your fellow man, casting aside conscience and integrity in the knowledge that a greater good will prevail, without you are plans would never reach fruition.

So spend and enjoy this Christmas, and know the boys in uniform on the front line, the back room men like me, and the scribes like yourselves, together we make up a family, a family that will one day rule the whole world over.

Whilst there are noble individuals like yourselves, always quick to take a dollar and look the other way, happy to keep writing what we tell you, News International will continue to thrive and prosper.

So remember my loyal staff, and I like to think of us as colleagues.

While there are people like you there will always be people like me.

And for that you have my enduring gratitude.

Seasons Greetings To You All

Rupert Murdoch Esq

pic from (and more on our favourite anti-christ) here


see outfoxed

Carol Singing in Parliament Square Wednesday 21st December

You are cordially invited to a public carol service in Parliament Square at 6pm on Wednesday the 21st of December 2005.

This inclusive service will contain both Christian and secular verse, and is expected to last no more than an hour.

Candles and song sheets will be made available, with donations going to Medical Aid for Iraqi Children.