Monthly Archives: September 2007

Is Bono Boning Cherie?


Human rights abuser (have you listened to his music?) Bono and freeloading Cherie Blair have been spotted canoodling on a recent jaunt to open a fountain in poverty hot spot the Cote D’Azur.

With her unemployed bum of a husband shipped off to Israel to spread peace and love in the Middle East, Cherie has got a different type on loving in mind and she ain’t taking no for an answer.

Despite her frumpiness and poor dress sense, Bono is rumoured to have taken a shine to Cherie which is a blessing for the poor girl who reportedly hasn’t been getting any for weeks.

Sources close to the Blairs reveal that Tony spends most of the day in his underwear eating Doritos and occasionally ranting incoherently and throwing empty cans of Special Brew at Richard & Judy.

In a bid to try and spice up their marriage feisty Cherie had whisked him off to spend some time on friendly billionaire Bernard Arnault’s yacht. Unfortunately for Tony, Bono was also invited to have a well earned rest from his tireless work spreading AIDS to African children (or something).

Bono and Cherie hit it off whilst Tony was staggering around the deck clutching a bottle of Bucky and shouting at the seagulls.

Ugly rumours abound that the pair may elope to Sudan to distribute RED credit cards to those left in poverty by the current conflict. A spokesman for Bono told us: “Well yes of course they need food, but a 12.1% APR is not to be sniffed at, and at least they can feel safe that some of the money we make will be going towards helping starving Africans”

Canadian Cops Join Black Bloc!

We’re a bit late with this but there you go. Three Canadian cops momentarily changed sides at the recent Nafta SPP protest in Montebello Quebec.

The three scamps were spotted by anarcho types who challenged them and then Communications Union President Dave Coles gave them a stern telling off, particularly directed at the poor chap with a rock in his hand. The three interlopers held their ground for a short while before forcing their way into a police line and being ‘arrested’.

Handy hint for agent provocateur wannabes – try remember not to wear police issue boots when going undercover.

After 4 days of silence the Canadian old bill admitted that the three were undercover stooges and claimed that the rock had been forced into the fragile little plod’s hand … and what’s more he’s very interested in geology, he keeps the rock as a pet and that a baby-eating anarchist had somehow superglued the rock to his hand when he was sleeping.

Watch the video, it’s a giggle.