Monthly Archives: April 2007

Straight Choice

Toryspotting!



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image by void/spartacus

British Soldiers To Be Treated By Vets!

MoD sources have confirmed that vets are being used in Iraq to treat casualties taken from the front line. Speaking only under cover of complete anonymity, our source, junior minister Tom watson, denied that this was a cost cutting exercise and claimed that vets are more than capable of patching people up in the heat of battle.

Pointing out that vets routinely deal with lions, tigers and crocodiles he made it clear that these are the best trained individuals available to work in stressful situations and that the ketamine was proving popular with our boys as well.

Vets are being used more and more as a replacement for GPs, it has recently been revealed that Margaret Thatcher has been treated by a vet for several years now and her distemper has almost cleared up, although the mange remains a problem.

Rumours that soldiers are to be neutered are not yet confirmed, but it is thought that with women now serving on the front line then Health and Safety guidelines make this inevitable. Several soldiers have made complaints to Officers which has resulted in them being sent to the front line in Afghanistan to be used as human shields.

the void was able to smuggle out the pic shown taken from the top secret celebrity launch of this latest venture. Prince Harry claimed he enjoyed the prick in his arse and would not hesitate in repeating the experience, but only after a few bevvies. Meanwhile poor Rolf is undergoing counselling.

Stop the new Gatwick detention centre

Over 2,600 people, mostly asylum seekers, are locked up in detention camps and prisons in Britain, without trial and without time limit and with no automatic right to bail.

The government is building new detention centres with a target capacity of 4000.

One of these is about to be built inside the Gatwick airport area. They are starting building works in the coming months and planning to finish it by 2008.

On Saturday 21st of April 2007. There’s going to be a demonstration in Three Bridges near Crawley against the new detention centre. Come to the demonstration or organise solidarity demos/actions in your own cities and towns. Meet up at Jubilee Field in Three Bridges at noon. Nearest train stop Three Bridges. Come out of Three Bridges station and turn left into East Avenue,after two minutes walk the park (Jubilee Field) is on your right.

For more information on the campaign against the Gatwick detention centre and further details about the demo and companies involved in building and running the centre check www.indymedia.org.uk regularly or email:stopdetentionatgatwick@riseup.net

It’s That Mayday Time Again

There will be a Mayday Anarchist Bloc assembling on 1st May in London. Assemble>at Clerkenwell Green at 12 o’clock – look out for Red and Black flags, and bring your own!

more general info on the march: www.londonmayday.org

Spread the word, bring your friends, family, etc.

See you there!

Now Britain is Pwn’d by Iran

President Ahmadinehjad’s bitch Tony Blair has welcomed back the 15 holiday-makers who recently enjoyed a break at the expense of the Iranian regime. Sources in Iran claim they begged to stay, but frankly the Iranians had had enough of the smell of bacon every morning and were sick of the blokes trying it on with every women they saw who wasn’t wearing a burka.

The 15 brave tourists, who despite their military training were quite happy to roll over and say whatever they were damn well told to say arrived in Heathrow this morning dripping with gifts. Whilst no official statement has been given from the 15 we did get an off record comments from one of them who claimed the food was good, the beaches nice, but if you were looking for a bit of a ruck on a Saturday night forget it.

“The cheating bastards have got uzi’s”
he complained.

Hundreds of Iranians are believed to have taken to the streets last night chanting “You only sing when you’re winning” and “15 – nil”.

Meanwhile Faye Turney’s children are said to be thrilled with the gifts they have received from Iran which have included an RPG, a cruise missile and a flak jacket each. The British government publically said last night that they were delighted that Iran was taking such an interest in the nation’s children and wondered if they had any ideas on how to deal with young offenders.

Meanwhile Ahmadinehjad is reported to have not stopped laughing for the last week and has had to take a short break to get over things. An Iranian official will stand in his place and laugh for him until his return. The Ayatollah is also reported to be pissing himself, which some have suggested may be against Qur’anic law. Allah was unavailable for comment, heavenly sources reveal he may also have been pissing himself.

Guardian’s Idea of Socialism Exposed

Piers Morgan and Alan Rusbridger, editor of the fake friends to socialists the Guardian recently spoke for the GQ/Independant Media Section.. Now chinless wonder Piers makes us suspicious and gives us the creeps, but we can’t fault his line of questioning in this interview. Here’s some choice excertp, read the whole thing here.

“PM: What’s your current salary?
AR: It’s, er, about £350,000.
PM: What bonus did you receive last year?
AR: About £170,000, which was a way of addressing my pension.
PM: That means that you earned £520,000 last year alone. That’s more than the editor of The Sun by a long way.
AR: I’ll talk to you off the record about this, but not on the record.
PM: Why? In The Guardian, you never stop banging on about fat cats. Do you think that your readers would be pleased to hear that you earned £520,000 last year? Are you worth it?
AR: That’s for others to say.
PM: Wouldn’t it be more Guardian-like, more socialist, to take a bit less and spread the pot around a bit? We have this quaint idea that you guys are into that “all men are equal” nonsense, but you’re not really, are you? You seem a lot more “equal” than others on your paper.
AR: Er… [silence].
PM: Do you ever get awkward moments when your bonus gets published? Do you wince and think, “Oh dear, Polly Toynbee’s not going to like this one.”
AR: Er… [silence].
PM: Or is Polly raking in so much herself that she wouldn’t mind?
AR: Er… [silence].
PM: Are you embarrassed by it?
AR: No. I didn’t ask for the money. And I do declare it, too.
PM: But if you earned £520,000 last year, then that must make you a multimillionaire.
AR: You say I’m a millionaire?
PM: You must be – unless you’re giving it all away to charity…
AR: Er…
PM: What’s your house worth?
AR: I don’t want to talk about these aspects of my life.
PM: You think it’s all private?
AR: I do really, yes.
PM: Did you think that about Peter Mandelson’s house? I mean, you broke that story.
AR: I, er… it was a story about an elected politician.
PM: And you’re not as accountable. You just reserve the right to expose his private life.
AR: We all make distinctions about this kind of thing. The line between private and public is a fine one, and you’ve taken up most of the interview with it.
PM: Well, only because you seem so embarrassed and confused about it.
AR: I’m not embarrassed about it. But nor do I feel I have to talk about it.”

“AR: But I’ve got children as well.
PM: They’re privately educated?
AR: Er… [pause].
PM: Is that a valid question?
AR: I don’t… think so… no.
PM: And you went to Cranleigh, a top public school.
AR: I did, yes.
PM: Do you feel uncomfortable answering that question?
AR: It falls into the category of something I don’t feel embarrassed about, but you get on to a slippery slope about what else you talk about, don’t you?
PM: It’s not really about your private life though, is it? It’s just a fact. And I assume by your reluctance to answer the question that they are privately educated.
AR: [Pause] Again, I am trying to make a distinction between…
PM: You often run stories about Labour politicians sending their kids to private schools, and you are quite censorious about it. Are you worried that it makes you look a hypocrite again?
AR: No. I think there are boundaries. It goes back to this question of whether editors are public figures or not.”

“PM: Do you like money?
AR: I remember JK Galbraith saying to me once: “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor, and rich is better.” You can have an easier life if you have money.
PM: I heard you bought a grand piano for £50,000.
AR: £30,000 – the most extravagant thing I’ve ever bought.
PM: Are you any good at it?
AR: I can play quite well, I suppose. I rarely inflict it on anyone else, though.
PM: Is it true you play naked?
AR: No. I usually play fully clothed in the mornings.”

hat tip I suppose, to that bastard Dale.

Planting Seeds of Resistance

To celebrate the Spring a seed swap will be taking place at the new Camberwell Social Centre this Sunday. Bring seeds and seedlings to share.

http://www.56a.org.uk/warham.html

Unwelcome Guests at RTF4


Dimwit cops shut down half of north London last night due to a few hundred people having a party. Holloway Rd and surrounding areas were completely closed off as riot police attempted to stop 200 or so people attending the already successful event which had been open since 1pm.

The police and fire brigade had been in attendance earlier in the day however after some negotiation the fire chaps agreed the venue was safe and they were happy for the event to go ahead.

This didn’t deter the blundering boys on blue who showed up around 1am and created a major public order situation out of thin air causing huge disruption in the area.

Latest news at 4am was the police had gone home and people were once again free to enter the building, we’ll keep you posted with any developments.

Meanwhile a report is available on uk indymedia.