“All this talk of binge drinking is a load of old bollocks” a leading alcoholic told the void yesterday “I’ve been binge drinking for 30 years, no-one ever gave a stuff before”
Slightly slurring his words, it might be said he had a point. In the north of England the required weekend drinking has traditionally been 10 pints a night, and 50 pint weekends are not out of the question.
This has led to all the problems currently associated with binge drinking whether it be mods and rockers going at each other, or Leeds versus Man U.
So why the sudden media frenzy?
Our leading alcoholic suggested an answer “it’s them ain’t it, the geeks”
When pushed further he drained his glass and whispered “you know, the goody two shoes, never did anything wrong brigade, they’re trying to take what’s ours, the excitement, the poetry, the dreams of the glorious urban jungle that is Saturday night down the town”
“they don’t understand that violence, addiction and liver disease goes with the territory, you can’t have one without the other, it’s the price we pay for our glamorous funfilled lives”
When it was pointed out that chucking up outside the kebab house is not particularly glamorous or fun he continues “of course not, but they’re the lightweights, or the novices, you’ll always need them”
“it’s the only way some people get any sex after all”
“and now this bunch of do-gooders moaning that they’re too scared to go into the city centre after dark at the weekend”
“well good, it ain’t for you, stick to your chess clubs and book circles, this is ours, we’ve worked hard to achieve it”
“and you can stick your non smoking pubs up yer arse as well”
Could it be true that many of those winging about smoking in pubs or the weekly chaos that can be Saturday night, are quite possibly people who wouldn’t ordinarily go to pubs or hit the town of a weekend anyway.
But like all good puritans they can’t stand the thought that people out there are having more fun than them (which wouldn’t take much).
Like people who complain about TV shows they’ve never watched or would want to watch could it be a typical little England hysteria that we’re all doomed to descend into a mire of alcohol soaked violence and degradation, especially with the relaxing of the licensing laws.
Surely only a fool can see that kicking everyone out of the pub at the same time is likely to increase drunken confrontations, especially as many of them have knocked back three pints of bastard strength lager in drinking up time.
Problem is they’ve fucked it, all that seems to have happened in practice is that most pubs have been granted a licence till midnight, thereby extending the curfew for an hour, but still having a fairly uniform kicking out time.
So little is likely to change in the foreseeable future.
Which is the way some would have it
“pint, a curry and a fight, it’s what Saturday nights all about ain’t it”
our man says as he unsteadily rises to his feet. He turns to face me as he opens the day to leave
“are you fucking looking at me pal?”
then he fell over.